Assalamu Alaikum, my lovelies!

I am back, and in today’s post we talk- Marriage.

Throughout the years I have heard my fair share of marital complaints from those who felt like they got in the wrong wagon by marrying their spouse; as well as advice requests from singles who want to get married. So here we go, this is my advice for a Successful and Happy Marriage… Are you ready for it?…

Use your head before getting married, and your heart after 🙂

In all seriousness, there is no one magical “one fits all” advice. Have you heard people saying that marriage is a hard work? Well… it does not have to be a hard work as long as you build your marriage on stable foundation and do “the work” prior to getting married! There are many cheap “tips and tricks” to make a horrible marriage less horrible, but I believe that the most important thing in marriage is To Marry A Right Person For You. Now that is a bit of a journey in itself, therefore I broke it down to a seven item Pre-marriage Bucket List, that I think will help sisters and brothers out there to prepare themselves for this wonderful step in life, and build a Strong Foundation for Successful Marriage inshallah.

1. Connect to Allah (swt). You know, people often say to put your spouse first, well I believe that although marriage is a beautiful, intimate thing between husband and wife, there always should be someone more important to both of you than each other, and it is Allah. If you strengthen your relationship with Him and pray for a righteous spouse, than inshallah He will bless you with more than you think you deserve! You are about to fulfill someone’s half of their deed. It is a huge responsibility, therefore learn about the rights of your spouse, before looking at his/ hers responsibilities towards you. Start to fill in the gaps in your practice with aim to become a better Muslim, so that through this role Allah can support you in being the best spouse.
2. Get your intentions straight. Many marry because they seek to fulfill their desires or obligations to family. None of these reasons are worth the biggest commitment and change that you are about to take on. The only reason worth getting married for is to fulfill half of your deed and please Allah (swt). And as for marriage itself, when you want to marry because you have something to give (love, respect, companionship, trust etc…), more than you want to get something out of it, – that is when you know that your intentions are pure.
3. Get a reality check.  Due to various movies and fairy tales your expectations of what marriage is going to be like may be distorted, unfair, and not reasonable. Marriage is not exactly as easy as a walk in a park (especially if you done nothing to prepare for it).I would suggest that you talk  to family and friends who have been married for a long time, so that they can give you a better idea not only of the joys, but also the struggles that you may face once you say “I do”.
4. Choose very wisely. There is a wonderful saying suggesting to open your eyes wildly before getting married, so that you can relax and close them tight after the wedding. It means that you need to make sure you use your head and judgement while choosing the right spouse. The best way to do that is try not to get emotionally and romantically involved with your “potential” partner. I suggest that you try to get to know about one another as much as you can, but in a “Halal” way and with pure intentions! Involve both of your families, go on “Halal” dates involving your family members, and ask millions of questions regarding your potential future together! Don’t forget that the prophet Muhammed (may peace be upon him), thought us to choose partners very carefully, and adviced that good looks will fade, therefore it is important to look for a good character, as it is the only thing that will matter in a long run.
5. Be honest and draw boundaries. The last thing you want is to find skeletons in the close once you get married, therefore avoid secrecy and be honest with your potential spouse from the very beginning. Often we try to look and behave better than we are, in hopes to be admired, loved, and accepted. Although it is a good strategy in a job interview, marriage is more complex than that. Honesty may not get you the girl/guy that you wanted, but it will get you the one that you needed, the one who will accept you just the way you actually are! Also, it is very important to draw the boundaries from the very beginning. Discuss every detail of your potential life together to see if you are compatible. Small things, like what movies and music you prefer are not important in the long run, however how many kids you wish to have, where you want to live, are you planning to study further, who will be working, how do you feel about multiple wifes etc, may become huge marriage-threatening issues if not discussed and decided prior to “I do”. If there are any red flags- back off! It is never too late to change your mind, before the wedding!
6. Connect with friends and family. At least the first months or a year after you get married you will be too busy getting to know your spouse and building new life together to have much time to meet new friends and build relationships, therefore strengthen the ones that you already have built. Meet your friends as often as you can before the wedding, and prepare them with the possibility of you going in a back-plan for a bit, so they know what to expect and do not distance themselves from you.
7. Focus on being a good spouse. Marriage is all about arguments, followed by compromises, followed by learning the lessons, followed by forgiveness and personal growth. As long as you focus on your responsibilities towards spouse, give unconditionally, love unquestionably and forgive easily, than inshallah your marriage will be smooth and enjoyable one heaven of a ride!

Inshallah I pray that you found this post beneficial, useful and will check out my video:

Love and hugs!

Assalamu Alaikum!